Mind over matter, literally

He: hey

He: How are you?

*** (thinking whether to reply) ***

He: Ssup?

(After 1 hr)

Me: Hi, I am fine

Me: How’s ils?

No reply. Ever.

After 1 day.

That morning, I woke by the silent sound of vibration, even though I am not all-alert in sleep, but the phone had been ringing for quite a long time. I still didn’t pick up and cribbed at the fact of those pointless conversations, turns out, these were not pointless, another call, YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS!  WHAT?”. Empty silence. Generally there is not a very blunt tone to the way my friend tells things. I would be just starting to get dismayed by the fact I was getting played. But there was a stingy feeling of urgency about this whole situation. After a while, I made some quick texts, and there it was, slapping me in the face for my sulky ignorance to the whole facebook conversation. I got through myself this morbid; sickening feeling that confronted the existence of this very fact. The very apodictic tone of this occurrence queering through my mind seemed fabricating enough to my own self. I checked through his facebook profile. I tried consoling myself that I was glad I replied.

So, he was a school acquaintance. WAS? .This isn’t happening, because then I that he texted me two hours before this stupidity of his. And I always thought I knew him, because basically he was those ‘types’. The smoking-pot-cheesy-comments-filthy-rich. Judging him by his character, Oh wait, JUDGED him by his character like some old empty minded shrimp in her 60s.

Some of my friends made snide comments about the way his parents must be feeling, going through, whether he’ll go to hell or heaven, and after a while they were totally fine with talking about things like, where must all his stored pot be stored. Can’t blame them, all the day we are busy hiding our feelings and at night wonder how no-one notices them. I guess, we are made to function that way. We circle ourselves with thoughts about right or wrong and in then realize that, they never mattered and never will. Still, the sun sets to remind us of the way we are functioned and follow the monotonous circle, we proudly call ‘routine’.

But only if this whole system wasn’t so suppressing. Nobody knows the action was taken under which pressure.

I had always found this ‘acquaintance’ of mine, many times smoking at local joint. But why was I judging him yet? He is no more. He might have been smoking up all the time, so? Lying to his parents, so? Again, I can’t help but keep an account of these words.

Because, the hard truth is that I hadn’t opened myself enough to let someone’s existence not cloud my judgement about them, to let it come over their bad habits, cheesy cheap comments.

How often did I realize this, until, he texted me just 2 hours before he took this step? I am unaware of the person he must be, or he might have turned out to be, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to be judgemental of these facts. At least not now. One of the theories in Psychology asks us to analyze people as machines and compare them on the basis of parameters like ‘IQ’ and ‘EQ’, so I was wondering if the basis of the whole human behaviour science is Psychology, how was I ever going to emerge and grow up as a whole hearted, stable and nurtured human being?


I love to write.

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