Drifting Emotions

There is emptiness, a hollow, somewhere within me- I don’t know where to head now to. I have tried crying out loud and seeking answers but never had a single heed. I have dried sorrow within me and there is so much of it that I don’t know where to and whom to confide to. I have the entire crowd of my known around me but I still feel alone and lonely- Alone, because one part of me is missing and lonely because I have no one in spite of having everyone. 
I don’t know emotions anymore, I don’t know feelings anymore. What is love? What is hatred? What is happiness or sadness? What are tears of joy and what are tears of sorrow? They are mere words for me and nothing more than that.
Glancing through the bygone memories, neither do I smile nor do I cry. They are called memories for a specific reason and that reason is that those times are never going to come back.
This is all about me today because till yesterday it was never about me. I don’t blame the world, the people, the time or life itself for anything that is happening today. i blame myself for nothing and everything. But how will that help me? It won’t. It will never help. When there is no one to be with me at the end of the day, I have a pen and my train of running thoughts to ink them down on paper and feel a bit better by every second. There is loneliness in everyone’s life and it will always be a permanent existence. There are some who ignore this existence and some who live with it.

Till few moments back I had everything. I loved in my life and then in the next snap of time I don’t have the one thing I loved the most. There is always more to life than love but there is nothing more to love than life. You fall in love with different things and different people. Some fall in love with the piece of art hung on some wall and some fall in love with the book they are engrossed into. Some fall in love with their next door neighbor and some fall in love with the most unexpected person they must have met at some random place. But when this love is not with us, we feel a tinge of sadness and hate the parting away.

I don’t believe in the “not happening ever” phrase. There is always a plan somewhere crafted for everything. If I am lonely right now and I have a stack of dried up emotions, sooner or later I will have something that will trigger my emotions and let me feel a bit of it. If you have memories to hold upon, live them every day. Smile and cry at them because they were the reason of you being happy that day. Somewhere when I feel nothing, there is someone feeling everything happening to them.

“Days will feel harder, life will grow longer, summers will feel lonely and winters will feel lost. But somewhere we will find a shelter where the angels from upon the sky will help us through the lonely nights. Drifting away from everything and accepting the present is the only option because we don’t and we will probably never know what is going to be tomorrow like.”

This is dedicated to those hurt souls who can’t express enough but can only weep inside.

Rukmini Sengupta

blogger, writer, active on twitter, undergrad student doing engineering.

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